Hi all!
Now I'm warning you that this might be a little lengthy and on the semi serious note but I think it can help a lot of people understand the past, present, and future of weight loss and weight gain. This post is in no way a call for pity or anything like that. I don't want people to think I want attention either. This is to help the people out there like me, not call attention to myself. (seriously!)
As I've mentioned before I was a fat kid. I was taught how to handle my emotions by eating. That is in no way my parent's grandparent's or anyone else's fault. If I wanted to eat it I would regardless who said it was too much or bad for me. I'd been known to sneak food while my parents weren't looking and eat it while in the bathroom. Many brownies, cookies, and ice cream cones later, I was over 150 lbs by 3rd grade.
I was bullied a lot at school and was pretty much the outcast. I'd blame my horrible acne on an "allergy" to my glasses which were thicker than most. I kept to myself, did my work and got pretty good grades considering. I always dreaded going to school on Tuesdays (more about that later) and Monday of course. Many times, even in Jr High School I'd show up in the principals office with gum in my hair.
The worst people who would pick on me were my so called "friends". They'd be nice to me and me being so gullible and wanting friends so badly, I'd fall into their traps.Thank goodness I was never beaten up. I hated and couldn't even say the word "fat" until I was well into my Sr. High days. I've finally been able to talk about it with the kids at the daycare and about bullying. I had kids telling me that it must be pretty bad having to have glasses so thick or being so fat. The only time I was ever picked first for a game was when it involved weight, like tug of war or the see saw game.
I was particularly bullied on the school bus. A neighbor kid would harass me everyday and sit next to me calling me names and throwing things at me. I finally told my parents and they decided they would pick me up and drop me off at school until I was old enough to drive. That started around 3rd grade.
It got really hard when I started Junior High and hit puberty. The fat didn't go down but other things were changing. I started liking boys and that was another opportunity to take advantage of me as well. A cute guy would talk to me on the bus just to prove he could or would take advantage of the fact I thought he was cute and try to get me to do his homework etc. I never really started liking school until I was in Sr. High and there were other people there that were my size or fatter.
I know...sound horrible doesn't it. But to this day I still thank the Lord that there are people fatter than me. I know it's not nice, and could be a form of bullying but I don't bully people or be mean to them because I know what it's like. I think human kind has a way of making themselves feel better by making others feel bad. Sick and twisted but it's true. I know there were some days after I lost a lot of weight in High School that I would start commenting on people's weight. Kinda hypocritical true. I abruptly stopped, knowing what it was like.
Wow this has been one big ramble but I'm coming to my point.
You're never judged as an equal when you're fat. You're thought of as slow, stupid, and sometimes incapable of being "real". I can tell you now, some of the most lovable, kind, honest people are fat. I think the reason being is because we're not caught up in the hype that "thin is sexy" or "thin is the best". We know what it's like being outcasts, picked on and bullied. We are the ones who really know what life is about.
Now I'm not saying that being fat is healthy. By all means it's not, but I think that we as larger people are more mentally fit than anyone else. We've had to volley quick comebacks, pick ourselves up after being knocked for a loop one too many times, and learn to cope with being the best we can be under these situations. There are thousands of smart, healthy, thin people out there with just as much brains as larger people, but, they are the ones who befriended us when no one else did. I'm not talking stuck up snobs who still think they are better than anyone else. The "true" friends we've met along the way. However, I prefer to have overweight friends ;)
Now about Sundays. Sunday is the most depressing day for me every week. It's the day I'm most likely to cry or have a fit LOL Sounds funny but at age 31 yes I can still temper tantrum (just ask my hubby) . But I think the real reason I don't like Sunday is because...it was always the day before I had to go back to school on Monday. I'd spend hours wondering what I'd say if someone said a certain something, or how I'd ward off the flying bubble gum. The biggest worry was if anyone was going to suck me into doing something for them just to diss me the next day or if my friends on Friday were still friends.
No one who has never been fat can understand any of this. They can sympathize and really mean what they say but, they can't fathom what it's like.
JUST FIX IT!! Some of you are saying. Well, sometimes you can't. If you're so addicted to food because it "makes you feel good" or "loved" or "better" it's like a drug you can never quit. People HAVE to eat to survive or stay healthy. It's not like people HAVE to drink alcohol or HAVE to do drugs. It's life sustaining. THAT is why it's so hard for people like me to lose weight.
It's not a crutch or excuse because if we want to change we can. Which is what I am in the process of doing. But psychological studies show that it's harder for emotional eaters to lose weight than other larger people. That is why, on a Sunday, I'm more apt to eat crap and blame myself later.But you know what? I'm not gonna do that today. I'm gonna chalk it up to my learned behaviors and do my best hour by hour to stop. Are you with me?
Right now I want to thank my parents. They were there for me every step of the way and still are. They know that I had it bad at school, but they were always there to make me feel smart, loved and beautiful. I know my mom is probably crying at the point cuz I am, but we're so much alike it's not even funny. I never said I hated my parents when I was growing up. Sometimes they were all I had. They were and always will be my best friends. Always. I know parents aren't supposed to be your best friends, trust me I got spankings when I needed em LOL But I wish everyone could have parents like mine. Especially kids like I was, growing up fat.
Ok..well that's all I have to say..I'm thinking about starting a website for overweight people. I'd like to help as many people as I can.
I'll see you on the flip side..tomorrow..after Sunday.
No comments:
Post a Comment