Day Twenty-Nine....Wonderful Food and a Sale

Hey Bloggerinos!
 I went to Olive Garden today in Fargo and partook in the Never Ending Pasta Bowl dinner. It was fabulous! I'm finally feeling better and tomorrow I'll be busting a move to DDR or the wii for and hour like I did last week.
 During the sickness and the weekend I lost another 1.3 lbs so I don't have much more to lose before I hit 10lbs lost. I've noticed that my face looks thinner but it could be the pestalence I've had LOL
  Anyway...I've decided that I'm not going to weigh myself until Thursday after my first Yoga class. This way if the pasta catches up with me I won't get discouraged. What should I have after I've lost 10 lbs? I need to think of something I've wanted for awhile so I get motivated to lose it. hmm.. I KNOW!!
 I'm a fanatic when it comes to nail polish. If I lose 10lbs I will buy the new Sally Hansen Crackle Finish in 3 colors. That's a 27 dollar value! Oh goodness I'm starting to sound like a info-mercial.
 Yes..at the 10lb mark defienety new fingernail polish. I've been wearing this awesome blue polish and it rocks.
 So yeah this has really had nothing to do with my progress of my weightloss but I seem to have gone on a different path since I lost 5 lbs. I've been seriously stressed over this car thing and now I need to get back on track.  My one year anniversary is coming up and I hope to be 15lbs lighter...yes another goal!! :)

Sp
1: Get back on track and get nail polis
2: Be 15lbs down by Sept 18th

Can I do it? I think I can!
See you on the flip side!!
 PS We get our violins tomorrow..hope to start lessons next Tuesday!! :)

Day Twenty-Eight...Still kinda sick :( but I got ICECREAM!!

Hey hey!!!
 I haven't exercised the past two days because, frankly, I couldn't stand up straight without getting dizzy. Sooo tomorrow I hope I feel better. I did however get to get Ice Cream from Cold Stone and it was heavenly! Suprisingly it wasn't as good as I thought it was goona be. I got a "Love It" size and couldn't finish it either. (pretty good huh?)
 I was supposed to go to my first Tae Kwon Do lesson tomorrow but I SOLD MY CAR and need to drive it to Fargo to deliver it. Sooooo, I'm super excited and my mood has really improved. Also emailed my instructor and let her know.
 I'm kinda NOT excited about getting on the Wii tomorrow but I'm gonna and I'm gonna work on my next 5 lbs!
 Wish me luck and see you on the flip side!!!!

Day Twenty-Six..I DID IT! 5LBS

Hey all!!
 I did it! I finally lost 5 lbs. It's taken 26 days but I did it!
 My main focus I've found is that I need to exercise everyday. Every time I exercise ( and haven't eaten excessively) I lose weight. I know it's not the best to test your weight everyday, but the Wii keeps me motivated to watching what I eat etc.
 This morning was very very trying and I was tempted to stuff my face with anything I could find on the shelves (or in the bakery) at the supermarket. I've been struggling with the land lord and the people who have kids around here with where the bus stop is. Since school started, they have no been at the right place for the bus stop and have been running through my yard yet again. I spent all last winter battling with the bus company etc to get them out of my yard. They damaged my bushes, my cars and woke me up at an early time by fighting outside my window. Finally the bus driver knows where to pick them up.
 Unfortunately there was a redneck jackass who decided to mouth off to me about his children and the cops had to be called.
 Annnyways, with that stress I was tempted to get a donut and a frappucino. But I took a deep breath and got a muffin (only ate the top part) and a diet pepsi. Thank you conscience!
 Becaues of the morning I was not able to weigh myself so I did tonight before dinner. I had lost 5lbs before my goal of 1 month to lose it! Now onto the next 5!!!!
That means I'm going to get ice cream soon! Unfortunately this pestilence won't let me enjoy it so I may wait until I get all five scences back!! :)

Love you all and hope you are suceeding as well! Feel free to leave comments on here or on facebook!!

See you on the flipside!

Day Twenty-Five..Some nasty bug

Hi bloggerinos!!!!
 I've gone and caught myself a nasty bug. I don't think it's just allergies because it's effecting my nose in a way only a nice little cold bug could effect it. I did manage however to exercise for another 50 minutes today before my body told me to stop in way of nausea. Aint no bug gonna keep me from getting ice cream (once I can actually taste again!) only  .9 lbs to lose (that's point 9 not 9) :)

Love you all and hope you're all sticking with it and I don't getcha sick if you're around me!

See you on the flipside!

Day Twenty-Four....DDR

Sweating sweating SWEATING!! and loving it!
 I did one whole HOUR of Dance Dance Revolution. My feet hurt but I feel great!
 I signed up for Tae Kwon Do lessons today (55 dollars and a uniform later) and will start the 29th! I'm pretty excited although the center smelled like sweat LOL guess I'll be doing a lot of that there eh?
 Anyways..I gotta go shower.. I still have to lose 2.2 lbs before icecream..:( Daggone fat! LOL
See you on the flip side!!!

Day 22..Great night with the 'rents

It  was my mom's birthday today so she and my dad came up to visit and cooked us dinner ( I know, I shoulda cooked right? LOL But she wanted to) They made awesome steak and potatoes and I chipped in with glazed carrots with Splenda Brown Sugar instead of regular brown sugar. Everything was yummy and she made a cake with blueberries in it. It was awesome!
 I was a good girl again today and passed up ice cream for snack. I have 1.1 lbs to lose before I get ice cream, tell me, should I go to Culvers or Cold Stone Creamery for my big hurrah? Lemme know on facebook!! :) http://www.facebook.com/#!/zombiegurl31

See you on the flip side!!

Day Twenty-Two...

Hey all!
 Well last night I ate the rest of the cheesecake that we had on Saturday but it won't catch up to me til midweek probably LOL Oh well...we all slip every once in awhile.
 I dug out the ol' Dance Dance Revolution mat tonight for the Wii. It rocked I just wish I still had it for the playstation (wish I had a playstation LOL) because I know all those dances from way back. I def burned some calories!
 Time to take a shower and call it a night. It's a blasted heater in here so will be sleeping on the couch yet again :)

Day Twenty-One..Fat people are the best....and lets talk about Sundays

Hi all!
 Now I'm warning you that this might be a little lengthy and on the semi serious note but I think it can help a lot of people understand the past, present, and future of weight loss and weight gain. This post is in no way a call for pity or anything like that. I don't want people to think I want attention either. This is to help the people out there like me, not call attention to myself. (seriously!)
 As I've mentioned before I was a fat kid. I was taught how to handle my emotions by eating. That is in no way my parent's grandparent's or anyone else's fault. If I wanted to eat it I would regardless who said it was too much or bad for me. I'd been known to sneak food while my parents weren't looking and eat it while in the bathroom. Many brownies, cookies, and ice cream cones later, I was over 150 lbs by 3rd grade.
 I was bullied a lot at school and was pretty much the outcast. I'd blame my horrible acne on an "allergy" to my glasses which were thicker than most. I kept to myself, did my work and got pretty good grades considering. I always dreaded going to school on Tuesdays (more about that later) and Monday of course. Many times, even in Jr High School I'd show up in the principals office with gum in my hair.
 The worst people who would pick on me were my so called "friends". They'd be nice to me and me being so gullible and wanting friends so badly, I'd fall into their traps.Thank goodness I was never beaten up. I hated and couldn't even say the word "fat" until I was well into my Sr. High days. I've finally been able to talk about it with the kids at the daycare and about bullying.  I had kids telling me that it must be pretty bad having to have glasses so thick or being so fat. The only time I was ever picked first for a game was when it involved weight, like tug of war or the see saw game.
 I was particularly bullied on the school bus. A neighbor kid would harass me everyday and sit next to me calling me names and throwing things at me. I finally told my parents and they decided they would pick me up and drop me off at school until I was old enough to drive. That started around 3rd grade.
 It got really hard when I started Junior High and hit puberty. The fat didn't go down but other things were changing. I started liking boys and that was another opportunity to take advantage of me as well. A cute guy would talk to me on the bus just to prove he could or would take advantage of the fact I thought he was cute and try to get me to do his homework etc.  I never really started liking school until I was in Sr. High and there were other people there that were my size or fatter.
 I know...sound horrible doesn't it. But to this day I still thank the Lord that there are people fatter than me. I know it's not nice, and could be a form of bullying but I don't bully people or be mean to them because I know what it's like. I think human kind has a way of making themselves feel better by making others feel bad. Sick and twisted but it's true. I know there were some days after I lost a lot of weight in High School that I would start commenting on people's weight. Kinda hypocritical true. I abruptly stopped, knowing what it was like.
 Wow this has been one big ramble but I'm coming to my point.
  You're never judged as an equal when you're fat. You're thought of as slow, stupid, and sometimes incapable of being "real". I can tell you now, some of the most lovable, kind, honest people are fat. I think the reason being is because we're not caught up in the hype that "thin is sexy" or "thin is the best". We know what it's like being outcasts, picked on and bullied. We are the ones who really know what life is about.
 Now I'm not saying that being fat is healthy. By all means it's not, but I think that we as larger people are more mentally fit than anyone else. We've had to volley quick comebacks, pick ourselves up after being knocked for a loop one too many times, and learn to cope with being the best we can be under these situations. There are thousands of smart, healthy, thin people out there with just as much brains as larger people, but, they are the ones who befriended us when no one else did. I'm not talking stuck up snobs who still think they are better than anyone else. The "true" friends we've met along the way. However, I prefer to have overweight friends ;)

Now about Sundays. Sunday is the most depressing day for me every week. It's the day I'm most likely to cry or have a fit LOL Sounds funny but at age 31 yes I can still temper tantrum (just ask my hubby) . But I think the real reason I don't like Sunday is because...it was always the day before I had to go back to school on Monday. I'd spend hours wondering what I'd say if someone said a certain something, or how I'd ward off the flying bubble gum. The biggest worry was if anyone was going to suck me into doing something for them just to diss me the next day or if my friends on Friday were still friends.
No one who has never been fat can understand any of this. They can sympathize and really mean what they say but, they can't fathom what it's like.
 JUST FIX IT!! Some of you are saying. Well, sometimes you can't. If you're so addicted to food because it "makes you feel good" or "loved" or "better" it's like a drug you can never quit. People HAVE to eat to survive or stay healthy. It's not like people HAVE to drink alcohol or HAVE to do drugs. It's life sustaining. THAT is why it's so hard for people like me to lose weight.
 It's not a crutch or excuse because if we want to change we can. Which is what I am in the process of doing. But psychological studies show that it's harder for emotional eaters to lose weight than other larger people. That is why, on a Sunday, I'm more apt to eat crap and blame myself later.But you know what? I'm not gonna do that today. I'm gonna chalk it up to my learned behaviors and do my best hour by hour to stop. Are you with me?

Right now I want to thank my parents. They were there for me every step of the way and still are. They know that I had it bad at school, but they were always there to make me feel smart, loved and beautiful. I know my mom is probably crying at the point cuz I am, but we're so much alike it's not even funny. I never said I hated my parents when I was growing up. Sometimes they were all I had. They were and always will be my best friends. Always. I know parents aren't supposed to be your best friends, trust me I got spankings when I needed em LOL But I wish everyone could have parents like mine. Especially kids like I was, growing up fat.

Ok..well that's all I have to say..I'm thinking about starting a website for overweight people. I'd like to help as many people as I can.

I'll see you on the flip side..tomorrow..after Sunday.

Day Twenty...Was a good girl..oh yes I was!

Happy Saturday Bloggerinos!
 I was a good girl today and didn't have McDonalds! Nosiree I had Subway instead. I'm watching my BFFs cat (well checking in on her) and I decided to go healthy and ate Subway while watchin a movie there spending some cat time.
 My and my hubby had date nite tonight and had loads of fun! We had "Cheesy Dollar Date" where we went to the dollar store bought 5 dollars worth of stuff and did crafts and had fun all night! Also..Cheesy came from the menu tonight. We had Nacho Dogs (Link here for the recipe...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6zlsEr8pwI  )  and Mac N Cheese and peas..and yes..we were a bit naughty and had CHEESECAKE for dessert later on. ( I'm gonna be backed up for days! LOL) I love Date Nite!
 Anyways..I spent that majority of today cleaning so burned off my cals that way!
 See you on the flip side..I'm tuckered out!!

Day Nineteen...A setback sure can spur a person

Heya all!
 I got on the Wii this morning and the evil thing said I gained 2 lbs overnight. Now HOW does that work? I even checked my pockets for my cell phone (Lord knows that it COULD be that heavy right?) but no dice. I guess your weight can fluctuate 2 or so lbs. everyday but I hope it's gone tomorrow.
 I decided to do the Wii Active tonight for a half hour. It really took it out of me but felt SO GOOD! I swear I MIGHT be turning into an exercise junkie. Cross your fingers right?!
 Anyways..I'm heading off to bed soon cuz I'm tired but I plan to walk to Chickie's tomorrow ( I have to feed her cat) which is about 3 or so blocks away. There and back should beat those 2 lbs right?!
 See you on the flip side!

Day Eighteen....Great day to be alive

hey bloggerinos!
 I had a great day at work today. We had a pirate party, treasure hunt, and water play day. The kids were so good (until around 3:30) and we all had a blast! It made for an easier day with no cravings because of stress!
 I did the wii Free Step for 30 minutes and was sweating a lot. It was too hot outside to go for a walk. I hope it gets cooler again soon!
  I hope to lose 1.3 more lbs by Sunday. That is the amount I have to lose before I get ice cream! Did I mention that before? (hey! Once a foodie always a foodie! :) )
 Annywayss..I'm gonna chill out with a cold glass of water and be super proud I had a blast today and great cardio tonight!! Hey  at least I'll sleep good right? let's hope!

See you on the flipside!!

Day Seventeen...The Beibes and decisions

Hello all!
 I didn't do much today as far as exercising but I've been keeping my paws off the food by working on my logo. It's as my profile pic and I'm trying to figure out how I can add pics to this daft thing. It's the logo for my soap business as soon as I get it up and running on etsy. Yeah I like Zombies....can you tell LOL.
 I've also been playing "Baby" by Justin Beiber over and over again..I know I think I've lost my mind. The kids at work are rubbing off on me. They sing the chorus all day everyday!
 As far as mood I'm doing really well and haven't gotten discouraged. I've done my best to avoid a lot of carbs during the day and hope to weigh in a littler less tomorrow on the wii. Cross your fingers for me!! :)

See you on the flipside!

Day Sixteen...Wonderful Walk and ELVIS!!!

I went for a 30 minute walk tonight and it was awesome. The temprature was perfect it was just cool enough to not sweat like a pig! LOL
 The best part of it was the smells of autumn on the way. My favorite season is fall and the leaves have started turning a wee bit around the neighborhood. It felt great to walk in the cool breeze.
 I was listening to the playlist that I listed earlier but added:
La Raux-Bulletproof
The Ting Tings-That's not My Name
 I have to say the best song to walk to at the moment is The Edge of Glory. The beat is just fast enough to make it a bit challanging to walk but not so fast that you get out of breath. You should try it!
 As for the food I ate today I had fries at the truckstop and a taco wrap so it's about has healthy as I can get eating there. I also had a salad for lunch. I'm hoping to start walking to work next week and get more exercising in. I also went on a walk with the kids today at the daycare for about 15 minutes.
 I feel really good and kind of manic after walking . It's a great feeling but it's gonna be hard to go to sleep! :)

Well I hope all of you are doing great and I'll see you on the flipside!

PS I found TWO Elvis movies on tv...ahhh the memories!!!!

Day Fourteen...2 lbs lighter

The wii has stated that I've lost 2 lbs in the past week. It's a record for me especially since I haven't bee nable to exercise much.
 We had a delicious dinner at the inlaws and then came home and took the engine out of the Miata.
 I also found a cool feature on the Wii. The free stepfeature allows you to watch tv and step walk  on the balance board.
 Gotta go in to work tomorrow for sure so I best get to bed .Keep up the good work!

See you on the flipside!

Day Thirteen....Hanging in and some good choices

Hey all!
 Sorry I didn't blog yesterday but these muscle relaxers really wipe me out! I slept forever yesterday and today I slept about the same!
 I did make some good choices today however. I went to Wendy's for their awesome buffalo wings and had the honey BBQ. Instead of fries however I had a Caesar side salad!
 I bought some chocolate covered  peanuts last night (BAD!) BUT I measured out a serving size (1/4 cup) and stuck to it and only had one serving!!
 Again I stress baby steps. It's easier to "diet" if you allow yourself a little bit of naughtiness. Everything in moderation like the beer companies and docs say! :)
  I've also been looking into other things I can do instead of sit around and think about food. I've decided to start TWO book clubs now ( Hope I don't get Emma mixed up with Cherry Pye) and possibly a yoga or tae chi class. I loved them both in college.
 We booked the hotel in Souix Falls for our one year anniversary Sept. 18th. I'm so excited to take a road trip with my hubby!
 Also I've told myself I cannot have ice cream again until I lose 5 lbs. I haven't had ice cream in 6 days and counting. For a person who had ice cream every night that's pretty good. I haven't really had many cravings either.
 My back is getting better but it frustrates me that it won't let me do any exercising, not even the wii! Cross your fingers it gets better soon!

See you on the flipside!

Day Eleven...minor setback

Welllpp..during the time that I would have been exercising I was in to visit my old friend Paul at Urgent Care. Seems as though the back strain that I have IS from driving Little Spud. The doc says I have to take it easy until I stretch it out again. That's all well and good unless you gotta exercise to lose weight! Soo icksnay on the exercise till prolly Monday night. Also means I'll lose another day of work but I gotta get better to be able to love my kiddies proper!
 I haven't had ice cream in 4 days! (used to be a nightly thing) so I'm super proud of that!

See you on the flipside..my bathtub and I have a date! LOL

Day Ten...Keeping up the pace

FINALLY had salad today for lunch! Not too sure if it's the off brand of Caesar Salad Dressing ( I got Our Family from Hugos) but I couldn't taste much. Not compared to the Dole Southwest or Caesar kit. They're my favorite but could not afford to get them this week. Will next week maybe.
 I was proud of myself. We had pudding today for snack and I only had one little cup full with some graham crackers. ( did you know they are called Digestive Biscuits in Australia and England?!)  I'm usually the one in the kitchen scarfing the pudding down by the spoonful.  I also passed up some tasty mints.
 I did 30 minutes on the wii tonight and treated myself with a lukewarm bath (it's supposed to lower your temp and make you relax and sleep better...we shall see!) I've lost yet another .5 lbs...super exciting!
 I know what you're saying "You could lose so much more if you'd exercise more and really watch what you eat" Ahem! remember...baby steps!

Toodles!

Day Nine... point 5 lost already

Hello Bloggerinos!!!
 I just got done doing my exercise regimen for today. Twenty minutes on the wii active plus and I'm sweatin like a piggy. Don't let the "easy" exercises fool you. You DO work up a sweat!
 Lunch didn't go as planned cuz like a ninny I forgot my salad at home! So mini corn dogs, corn and peaches it was. It was all ok because what I lacked in healthy lunch I burned off in screaming and yelling.
 The past couple of days have been hard at work. I work at a Daycare and I think the anticipation of going to Kindergarten teamed with the now cool weather have made my monkeys crazy! They don't like to listen and insist that I chase them around while they yell " I'm gonna tell my mom!" OR "Nah nah nah boo boo!"
 I threw my back out this weekend and it's not quite recovered yet. I'd be doing a lot more walking if it wasn't for that .Hopefully it will recooperate soon!
 As far as goals I think I'm doing good ..I've lost a half a pound (so be it it might be water weight) since yesterday morning and I'm pretty proud of it!
 I've also been investigating things I can do besides eating LOL I've decided to join a book club here in the local library. The next meeting is the 31st of August so I better get readin!

Anyways now that  I have officially started I feel pretty good. See you on the flip side tomorrow!!

Day Eight...Baby Steps and Super Future Goals

Welp.. I finally started.
 Now, don't expect a day of hard fasting drinking only lemon juice and honey, or an extensive meal plan counted down to the very last calorie. Trust me, it doesn't work that way, at least not for me. Nope, I have to take baby steps.  Here's how I did it today:
 ~I had a muffin for breakfast (now that may not be surprising to you who follow me on Facebook, but normally I have something extremely bad like Oreos or 3 pop tarts)
 ~I portioned out my lunch better than usual (not so much fruit and a little more veggies)
 ~ I went for a 15 minute walk in the beautiful weather (stompin' in my Air Force Ones)
~ I bought salads for the rest of the week for lunch at the store and bought healthier snacks that ice cream or chocolate every night before bed.

To some die hard healthy people this is nothing. Some of you are saying "Uh...excuse me..but that doesn't sound like a DIET to me!" Well...it's not. I've done so many diets and then gone back to "not being on a diet" that that sorta huge change and starvation/deprivation doesn't work.  It's going to have to be a lifestyle change. (EEK!)

I have found a great free site called  http://fitday.com/ that you can use to record just about everything (from shrinkage of your love handles to counting each and every step of your day as exercise) and i like it for the calorie counter. However, I find it's too techy for me and I lose sight of the real goal. To FEEL better. Here's a link to my fitday if you want to see my goals etc.

 http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJournals.html?Owner=pouncer30 

Don't get me wrong, subconsciously me getting "Fitter" is because I want to look like Jessie J or Rhianna (good luck eh?) but the ultimate goal SHOULD be to feel better and be healthier and not have to take so dang many medications. I'd LOVE to get off insulin (hate those shots) and be able to regulate my blood sugar on my own again.

Wow...sound like goals don't they? Lets type em out all separate and pretty like:
Super Future Goals:
~To feel better day by day
~To get off insulin
~ To be healthier (skin, nails, lungs, hair)
~ To feel good about being in MY skin (or Jessie J's hehe)

Short Term:
~ Lose 5 lbs by September 8th

I'd like to send a shout out to DeAnn for going on this journey with me as well as my dear Mom! Who's with us..let's kick some fat cell butt!!!


Here's my walking mp3 list if you're interested:
Judas-Lady Gaga
Edge of Glory-Lady Gaga
Awake-Godsmack
Do it Like a Dude-Jessie J
Love the Way You Lie- Eminem ft. Rhianna

Day Seven: Play it again Sam.....

Alrighty Bloggerinos!
 It's gonna be MONDAY again and I'm ready this time REALLY ready! (I mean if you've got a stripper pole that's ready to be installed you gotta get fit for it right?..If you wanna know the story let me know LOL)
 I guess we are having chili tomorrow at work so we'll try to work that the best we can into a new regimen. I'm going for a walk tomorrow after work too..soo one last hurrah today was McD's with my bestie and some ice cream tonight. Tomorrow, once I finally get my fundage from the bank I'll be buying some healthy snacks.
 Wish me luck!


Weight:
Lbs to go:

Zombie Gurl: 1
Big Fat Fail:1 (cuz I got heartburn)

Day Three...Close your browser if you're not into depression

Hello,
 Yup day three and I still haven't started.
 I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure that I can please anyone. I've tried hard ever since I was fired (which still seems like a dream in itself) last December to live up to my full potential. Obviously that hasn't happened in some people's minds. There's always a voice saying "Try harder", "You're working but not hard enough", "You're good but you're not THAT good." It's getting frustrating.
 You have no idea what it's like to be called into the office of a job that you love, filled with people you care about and get along with, to be told that you're fired because you stood up for yourself or someone else. I stood up for my husband and got fired. Fired from a job where I was making 3x the amount an hour I'm making now and a job that I was good at. There's not hope of getting it back since the policy of the office is "You're fired, you never get to come back." I rocked at that job, and now it's as if it never existed.
 After that I took any job I could find to make ends meet. Bookstore, Housekeeping, even trying to get my own business off the ground. Nothing worked for me and I felt like an epic failure every time I had to turn my two weeks in or was let go due to lack of work.
 Yeah I cried a lot, but I worked through it and kept my big girl panties on the whole frustrating and hurtful time. But I guess that doesn't count.
 It also doesn't count that I love and care about the kids I work with. They say I do a good job, but don't take into consideration the changes that need to be done to make my life and other co worker's lives easier and more fulfilling for the kids.
 So that's like....4 fails so far in the course of less than a year.
 I've changed a lot since I moved to Grand Forks. I've grown up a lot and don't fly off the handle as much as I used to. I try my best as a wife and caregiver and try to balance my feelings with those around me.
 I guess it all came to a head when I realized that I still feel the way I've always felt about myself. I'm a fail. I got into a lot of s**ty relationships, I've done nothing with my degree really, I've been fired once in my life when my work ethic has always been to do my best and live up to the potential everyone seems to think I have.
 Let's get onto the next epic fail...this blog and this idea. Yeah, I haven't started yet, and I guess that makes me a fail at this too. I try my best everyday not to p**s people off and not interfere with their lives by voicing my opinions. I've kept my mouth shut when it comes to other people in my life wanting to do what they want to do and I have to deal with it.
 So let's just say...tomorrow is another day and I'm going to try to make everyone happy. However, I don't think I'll ever be good enough, strong enough, skinny enough, or happy enough for anyone.
 I'm done..I'm going to bed...goodnight to those who care about and love me..I'll see you on the flip side.

Big Fat Hairy Fail: too many to count
Zombie Gurl: 0

Day Two..Ok so I'm not ready?

Hi Bloggerinos! (taken from "youtuberinos" via SprinkleOfGlitter)
Soo yeaaahh day got off to a bad night. Was upa round 3:00 giving a sacrifice to the porcelian god and then again around 4. The Kashi Mocha Almond bar I had for breakfast was a good start however.
Then came lunch. Due to the cash flow problem I wasn't abole to get a salad (like I have been for awhile at lunch) and opted for the sloppy joe variation at work. (I work at a child care center so yeah, not always so age appropriate and calorie savvy.)
Went to the Truck Stop tonight for dinner. Last night was pizza night. I'm gonna try to resist the temptation of eating ice cream tonight but, with the stress of work, I doubt that'll happen.
Wellll maybe tomorrow I'll start? Cross your fingers and pray.
But hey at least I WROTE here two days in a row right?! :)

Big Fat Hairy Fail: 2
Zombie Gurl: 1

Day One...stating the situation

 "I turn into a zombie...shoveling food into my mouth until my stomach hurts and I have what they call 'food intoxication'. Sick...I know."- me

Wow....a blog. I really never thought I'd be doing one of these. Usually it's the paper journal that I forget to write in at months at a time that gets my attention. Not this time...no sirree! YOU are going to join me on the epic adventure of my mental illnesses and body image. You my friend, are going to help me lose 30 lbs. Noo it says 50 doesn't it.*sigh* ok 50.
Yeah I know I can search blogspot.com and find TONS of blogs on the subject. But, have you really ever wondered why there are so many? Because it has become the epidemic the healthcare professionals (Most are guilty of it also!) are raving about. But who cares about stats when there's a huge chocolate cake sitting on your counter waiting to be eaten?
 My obsession with food started probably at the age of 5 when I realized I was an emotional eater. Ok so yeah I didn't "realize" it for sure then but that's when it started.
 Whenever I felt bad or was crying my parents or grandma would give me a treat and it would all go away for that split second. Food has always been my blankie of choice.
  It really hit home when I entered elementary school and knew that I was the fattest kid in the school. Well, at least I felt that way. Nothing like knowing you're gonna be teased for the 8 hours that you're expected to learn to make Sundays absolutely horrible.
 Reguardless, it got no better as I reached puberty and the junior high. I was always treated like an outcast, picked last for all team games (accept tug of war and teeter totter races of course)
 I didn't know until the internet came along that I could actually meet people who wouldn't judge me and there were many out there like me.
 Now that I've rambled on, I wanna say just one thing. I blame no one but myself for being this heavy at age 31. A whopping 200 lbs (If not more since the time I last weighed myself) I don't like it and I need to make a decision to change it and stick with it. I'm type 2 diabetic and fear going blind. Apparently not fearful enough to stop having ice cream every night before bed however. I'm a kid trapped inside an adult body when it comes to emotions and dealing with them. Gimme a Snickers and Diet Coke and I'm a happy camper til the next emotional wave.


Lets get started? Hmmkay?

 Starting tomorrow I'm gonna blog everyday and hope to have followers by the end of the journey. If not..well at least I've done it for myself right? I know I've said it time and again but I have to keep up with this one.
 I was recently inspired by the movie Julie and Julia and want to accomplish something within a years time. So

365 days from today I want to be at least 30 to 50 lbs lighter than I am now. You ready?
Get on and hold tight it's gonna be a wild ride.

Today's Weight: 208 (good GOD man!)
Pounds to Go: 50lbs

Zombie Gurl: 0
Big Fat Hairy Fail:1